Big gay niece
Question for the Sexpert:
“My niece has come out and shared with me she is gay. Hmm! I am cool about it, but I don’t know really how to handle getting caught up in the triangle that has resulted. My sister, her mom, is devastated! In my generation had very little exposure looking at sexuality beyond heterosexuality. I can go to a shrink and seek help too, but I thought if you could give me a friendly advice, I will use that as a start.”
Upon reading this question, I was taken aback. “Why were you taken aback, as such, Timaree?” you may ask. Well, gentle reader: I get so comfortable living in my nice little sex-positive bubble that I forget that the majority of the world doesn’t discuss transgender leather daddy polyamorists with genital piercings at the breakfast table. So in comparison, your question seems quite easy and tame but in reality, it’s quite a pickle.
The quick and easy answer is: be a supportive uncle, be there when your niece needs to talk and point your sister in the direction of the nearest PFLAG meeting.
The reality is that your sister is not simply freaking out because her culture and possibly religion have told her being gay is an unequivocally bad, sinful, no good, very bad thing but also because she feels stupid for not knowing earlier, upset that her plans for her daughter’s future are going to have to change and angry that someone is stepping outside the bounds of acceptable society when she has likely given up on her own wishes because she thought it was right thing to do and is now resentful others are not making those same compromises.
It’s easy to just say, “your sister is a fascist square; fuck her,” but just as much as much as she is going to have to come to terms with her daughter being the same little girl she has always loved, even if she’s a big ole dyke-o-rama then we have to respect her right to have feelings and reactions too.
There are lots of resources for people who are finding out their loved ones are lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, Presbyterian, vegetarians, pot smokers, Guitar Hero addicts, cross stitch enthusiasts, etc. Your sister would be served by a variety of educational materials, or support groups who will help her realize that having a lesbo daughter is nothing to lose sleep over and if you follow some of the links I’ve included, you can pick out things to give her.
As for seeing a psychiatrist, as you mentioned, I’m not certain that sort of intervention is necessary, unless someone is finding themselves overwhelmed by emotions or depression that they can’t handle alone. Sometimes it’s best to keep psych professionals away from the whole sexual orientation topic because you might find yourself with a quack who thinks your niece needs some reparative therapy to convert her into a Hetero-bot. Wow, there is actually something on which Tom Cruise and I agree. Weird. Anyway, if you just want someone who can help manage stress, anxiety or communication difficulties, though, by all means, seek outside help..
