It wasn’t that the shows were too smutty or that she had the cliched beef about the unrealistic expectations that media can give us. She had actual, specific advice to the makers of some of her favorite shows about promoting safer sex and giving realistic information about sexual health.

So instead of just sitting there, annoyed, she did something about it. She started making videos with information and concrete advice for both fans of the shows and the producers. Tweeting about her work, she came into contact with some of the writers and may, single-handedly, be able to change the direction of some of today’s TV fare.

Bryce had no prior experience with video making and is entirely learning the tech as she goes. But I felt the need to get y’all in on this from the ground floor, so when these videos become the Next Big Thing, you can be all hipster about it and say you saw them “way back in May of 2012. “

From the pilot episode of MTV’s I Just Want My Pants Back.

Another episode of I Just Want My Pants Back

An episode of Big Bang Theory

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

Along with another writer, she founded Tough Cookies, a site for anyone who is interested in feminism or lesbian issues, regardless of their gender or the gender of the people they bang. Using revolutionary crowd-sourcing techniques, the site grew from being a passion of its founders to a popular site (with Facebook and Tumblr components) with regular contributors, photo contests and an active, participatory community.

So I sat down with the lovely Ms. Fabello to hear about her journey, as well as everything from the re-invigoration of feminism among young people to what’s wrong with Suicide Girls.

Listen to the podcast here or on iTunes, where you can subscribe and get all the goods extra early.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

Daily anti-retroviral drug to be approved by FDA that could prevent HIV infection.

Man sues BMW after 4 hour motorcycle ride leads to 20 months-long erection. Hat tip to Melanie!

Small but significant percentage of young women use cellphones during sex.

10 of women’s top sexual fantasies. Did the “war on women” help quash the sexless feminist stereotype?

Signs she’ll make a bad wife. Can handsome men stay faithful? Exes in $60,000 custody battle over dog.

What’s your sexual doomsday scenario?

The Mens Rights movement gets its moment, but at great cost for Native American, immigrant and LGBT domestic violence victims.

50 places to meet people when you’re over the bar scene. How to make a long distance relationship work.

Was Jack the Ripper actually a woman? Gaydar is more effective on women.

Even before Photoshop, pin up models were dramatically retouched. #ihatemyface was a trending topic on twitter because… who knows.

VA statehouse rejects judicial nominee because he’s gay. No, really, Buchanan was our first gay President.

History of breastfeeding in media. Sexuality and other female film troubles.

Butt plugs whose shape is determined by GOP polls.

Tennessee teachers not allowed to discuss “gateway sexual activities”; meanwhile, the less young people know about contraceptive options, the more likely they are to have unprotected sex.

State-by-state guide to 2012’s anti-choice laws so far.

Missing the point on prostitution.

Rhode Island will now recognize same-sex marriages performed elsewhere. Jay Z supports marriage equality.

Do girls become teen moms BECAUSE they are poor?

Does frequent ejaculation cause a hangover?

How to talk to your kids about pornography.

How to be attracted to people who are actually good for you.

Does sex hurt you?

A whole library of books on sociology, many of which pertain to sex.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

So we put together something truly special for you to mark the occasion: a collection of thoughts, advice, anxieties and real-life anecdotes related to 69ing. There are some words of wisdom from previous guests of the show and some jokes ranging from gawdawful to terrible. All in all, it’s pretty spectacular. 

Without any further ado: enjoy here or on iTunes.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

What are conservatives deepest sexual fears? Are conservatives hard-wired to be homophobes?

The twin porn stars whose real life incest is surprisingly popular among porn viewers.

Trans women of color and the irony of self defense. Lead singer of Against Me! comes out as trans.

Porn lovingest cities in the US. Child porn legally viewable in NY state, says court.

TIME magazine’s cover shows mom breastfeeding 3 year old.

Another bullying-inspired suicide: a 13 year old girl whom her classmates called a slut.

We know very little about transwomen’s breast cancer risk

What about the Manic Pixie Dream GUY? New documentary on hebephilia (attraction to teenagers) asks “are all men pedophiles?”

For the first time in history, Americans are more likely to live alone than with others.

Texas deputy claims female coworker forced him to motorboat her. Hat tip to Melanie!

Melinda Gates to invest billions in women’s health; one exception: abortion.

What we’re really talking about when we talk about Hillary Clinton without makeup. Hat tip to Mario!

One company is prepared to provide all the things you’ll need for a Your First Period party.

Queen Latifah FINALLY comes out. Or maybe not. Why aren’t there more ads featuring same-sex couples?

Interactive map of rights for LGBT folks, state by state. North Carolina passes marriage equality ban; related: they overturned the ban on interracial marriage in 1971. Some of the best reactions to the ban.

Joe Biden WAS the high ranking US official to ever express support of same-sex marriage, until Obama endorsed it. Some think the endorsement was BS or pandering. Republicans, predictably, fire back. Support for marriage equality is now the majority.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

Maybe what first springs to mind is the glass ceiling: that women don’t get promoted as much, as quickly or past a certain echelon. Perhaps you think of pinching a waitress’s ass and calling her “sweets.” Maybe your thoughts turn to banter about banging skanks. Whatevs. They all count. But they’re only a PART of the spectrum of ways we can hold sexist beliefs and do sexist things. YAY!

Different types of sexism? Oh boy!

There are a few different theories, but here’s a brief intro on some different types of sexism. Note that someone can subscribe to multiple types, in fact, that’s what ambivalent sexism is about. And just because some are more obvious than others doesn’t mean that the less apparent types of sexism are necessarily better. Sometimes the really subtle stuff is actually worse because it’s harder to combat, often not taken seriously and can make the oppressed person feel even worse about the situation.

OPPOSITIONAL

“The belief that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive categories.” So this can be anything from a parent picking a kid’s toys and clothes on their gender rather than their kid’s actual interests all the way to keeping women from competing in sports and beating up a guy for seeming too feminine.

There are battles in neuroscience periodically where a study that shows statistically significant differences in the brains of men and women are taken as evidence that men are one way and women are another and therefore: PMS joke. Or kitchen joke. Whichever.

In reality, there is a huge amount of diversity in how men act and how women think and it’s not helpful to act like they’re two separate species or *groooooooooooan* from different planets. And it’s important to be aware of what are real biological differences and what are socially constructed ideas.

TRADITIONAL

“The belief that maleness and masculinity are superior to femaleness and femininity.”  I’m sure you’re familiar with this. Traditional sexism can include beliefs that female interests are inherently less interesting and valuable. for instance, being a pro sports fanatic but saying that your girlfriend’s TV shows are stupid. This is the idea that if a female is let into a largely male space, she must be exceptionally cool or serve a specific function but if a male is in a female space he is either tainted by this experience, must hate it or is less than a man.

Like the last one, this can be backed up by belief in naturalistic fallacies and religious ideas that humans were created by a higher power that wanted them to remain in a separated hierarchy.  And these two forms (oppositional and traditional) often go together, framing women as separate, and specifically: lesser.

AMBIVALENT

Like the name suggests, this is about being pulled in two different directions. Theories about ambivalent sexism acknowledge that while someone may think women are weaker or less capable, they may still need them in their lives. And this theory is about how sexism is ultimately all about maintaining gender roles and a patriarchal power structure. It explains a little more about how we get women on board with sexism too. So this theory is made up of two sub-categories of sexism: hostile and benevolent sexism.

HOSTILE

Obviously, this one is bad news. It’s everything from shit talking and holding back rights to violence. It “encompasses the negative equivalents on each dimension: dominative paternalism, derogatory beliefs, and heterosexual hostility.” I don’t need to go into this much, cause you can probable come up with plenty examples on your own.

BENEVOLENT

This is where people often get confused.  How can you be nice and be sexist?

Benevolent sexism is the flipside of chivalry. We can acknowledge gender differences, but attempts to show honor to women are many times messed up by perpetuating stereotypes about women being less capable, desirous of male attention and affirmation or not subject to the base needs of a human animal.

• Holding the door open for a person is nice. Refusing to let a woman hold the door for you is stupid.
• Referring to your partner as a goddess can be sweet and romantic. Calling all women goddesses, while usually well intended, is not actually helpful to the cause of getting women to be treated as humans.
• Granting the mother custody is fine, if she’s better suited for it. Granting her custody because she’s the female and you extrapolate from that….. is benevolent sexism.

OVERT

There’s one more theory to touch today and it’s about how sexism has changed in the presence of feminism. Overt sexism is the blatant type: “harmful and unequal treatment of women that is intentional, visible, and unambiguous.” Everybody gets it: you’re being a jerk. This sucks. But sometimes, as mentioned before, is easier to deal with in real life because there’s no doubt about what is happening.

COVERT

As the name suggests, this is about what happens behind the scenes. This is not what is in the press release. It’s “either hidden and clandestine or unnoticed because it is built into cultural and societal norms.” Much like racism, people have figured out that it’s not socially acceptable to be an overt bigot anymore. Unless you’re being a hipster bigot, in which case you think irony is some kind of deflector shield for shittiness.  

Very few people would be willing to make a public statement that was racist or say that they identify as racist, but if they were raised in America, they unintentionally harbor racist beliefs. Sexism is the same, but is still more socially acceptable. Covert sexism is still apparent to those involved, but it’s not public, per se. It’s like how somebody might joke about girls getting raped, but only if there are less than X number of people in the room.

SUBTLE 

And here we really get to the meat of the matter in 2012. Subtle sexism is perceived as normal by most people, often not intended to be harmful, but still perpetuates stereotypes about women and creates and cultivates an environment where women are separated or put at a disadvantage.  Some good examples:

• “Calling a woman politician loud, shrill, unattractive, or pushy, instead of demanding she explain her position on an issue.”
• “Telling the only woman in a meeting, just before it starts, that you like her blouse (and not telling her male counterparts that you like their shirts.”
• ‘Asking a woman at a meeting to take notes because “we guys aren’t good at that kind of thing.”’

They can also be things that are intended to divide women against each other as well. Every day I read facebook statuses that are platitudes about what makes a “real woman” versus “a girl.”  Here was a gem:

“Call me old fashioned, but I value a woman who treats her body like a temple, not like a theme park.”

*Gag*

Just a woman though. Men can do whatever. But women better not go do shit simply because it’s pleasurable.

Or yesterday a minor conflagration erupted when someone wrote “I’ve noticed the sexier a girl dances, the less they are to be trusted.” A flurry of responses ensued, women largely responded, “not true!” or “disagree!” A couple dudes agreed with incisive comments like “sooooooooooo true!”

This guy was completely missing a couple points: 1. that he doesn’t get to be the Arbiter of Sexy Dancing (that is for David Bowie, thank you) and 2. that if he’s had trouble with unscrupulous women in the past, it might have to do with him not being a good judge of character when attracted to someone. And his generalized statement is fucked up because it implies women who are perceived as sexy are bad, shameful or morally deficient. And that, good friends, is how slut shaming works.

I was pleased to find that this wasn’t an overtly mean conversation. It never turned into real antagonism, although it got sillier (Rick Rolling was involved), which served to distract from the possibility that it might have actually been offensive, if contemplated. It seemed generally quite productive.

This girl agreed:

*facepalm*

Anyway, as always: be aware, be contemplative, be proactive.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

So what’s that got to do with sex?

Actually: What DOESN’T have to do with sex???

Fitness= Better Sex

Between the ability to get into and sustain poses, increased cardiovascular capacity and endurance, and the strength required to hold your own body weight (and the weight of others), sexual activity can be greatly improved by fitness. The stronger and more flexible you are, the more variety you can throw into your routine. The more endurance and energy you have, the longer you can go and the more you can focus on pleasure instead of fatigue.

It was once boiled down to me by a sexually experienced and physically fit man this way: “if a guy asks me for sex advice, the first task is to draw him a picture of the vulva and clit anatomy and explain how it works. Step two: cardio.”

Additionally, fitness can improve your sexual functioning, especially as you age. Better blood flow means firmer erections and more genital sensation. Weight loss resulting from a regular exercise routine can mean that there is less fat on the lower abdomen, meaning more of a penis’s length can be revealed, making it look bigger.

Sex is a Workout

There’s nothing wrong with slow, gentle lovemaking. There’s no shame in being a pillow princess who simply lays there and gets pleasured… every once in awhile. But sometimes you gotta return the favor, working up a sweat and sustaining a hip thrust or deep squat for longer than seems reasonable. And sometimes you both have to put your back into it. And I can vouch, as a professional fitness instructor, most sexual positions ARE workouts.

And vice versa. A significant portion of Pilates exercises are related to strengthening pelvic floor and they focus on mastering control over the PC aka Kegel muscles. All those butt lifts and bridges can be utilized in your personal life to great effect. And while it differs greatly from person to person (some kisses are more aggressive than others), every minute spent making out is a minute spent burning calories.

C’mon, I’m sure you can come up with some kind of utility for this pose:

Feeling Good is Awesome

This is a cycle of reinforcement: The better you feel, the more you want to have sex. Having sex can make you feel really good.  And I don’t just mean the sensation of physical pleasure. You can also feel good ABOUT yourself.  Yes, exercise can make you look  better by many standards, but, more importantly, it’s likely to make you feel better about your body. You’re more likely to feel pride in your body because you know the things it can do and you’re more likely to feel comfortable bearing it in front of a partner.  And if you feel more comfortable, you’re more able to relax and enjoy sexual pleasure and even feel free to perform more enthusiastically.

Other Stuff

• Recent research seems to confirm what many women have privately reported for years: exercise can actually cause an orgasm. So get your ass to that spinning class.
• Outdoor exercise can be especially good for you and is more effective for mood-lifting than exercise indoors. But there are many obstacles to working it out outdoors, especially for women: including safety fears, concerns about body image and other anxieties.
• There are a number of fetishes that exercise and gyms can allow someone to indulge. Plenty of people are turned on by displays of strength. There are interests in getting sweaty and mussed up, maybe you get turned on by the scents of others (or at least like the pheremones),  and there’s definitely something to be said for the masochistic and sadistic relationship between client and trainer.
• For every person, there is some workout that will click. Maybe you hate running, but you love dancing. Maybe you have choreophilia and REALLY love dancing. Maybe you despise free weights, but would adore yoga. Perhaps you need a group, class or trainer to keep you motivated,  or maybe you prefer to zone out and just listen to your headphones. Whatever it is that will work for you, it’s out there. Just don’t stop looking. The paybacks, many of which we’ve already examined, are totally worth the effort.

And some exercise porn, courtesy Equinox.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

How to have sex with an asexual person.

On the culture’s rejection of female sexual agency

Sex.com is finally being used- essentially as pinterest.

NC preacher recommends child abuse to discourage homosexuality.

The biggest sex hypocrites on the right wing.

Dan Savage accused of bullying for responding to anti-gay prejudice with facts.

Group of Black trans people (and allied friends) harassed outside bar, fight ensues, one of the harassers is fatally stabbed; harassed transwoman charged with murder. She pleads to lesser charge of 2^nd degree manslaughter. Trans people mistreated by police are fighting back. How about we stop ticketing transwomen for using the bathroom?

Teen girls less likely to have sex than in previous years, more likely to use contraception.

Ad campaign uses segregation-era imagery to promote marriage equality. Reasons you should shop at JC Penney.

Awesome 14 year old hand-delivers anti-Photoshop petition to Seventeen magazine. Vogue to no longer feature models under 16 or those with eating disorders, other progress.

Entire Montana town under investigation due to rampant rape.

Cool tumblr: oppressed brown girls doing things. Saudi Arabian female athletes will not be able to compete at Olympics.

Federal judge stops idiotic Texas law that would eradicate Women’s Health Program

Anti-choice bill sponsor contends that Viagra is “a wonderful drug,” and totally unrelated to birth control.

Douchebag Philly sports blogger reblogs inadvertent panty flash caught on TV, incorrectly, concludes he’s King Awesome.

Revelations about a young Barack Obama by his ex girlfriends. Why is Obama quietly supporting abstinence-only sex ed?

Fetishes you may not know and how to try them.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

• Reporters rarely contact experts to find out new information. They contact them to validate the perspective they already had.

And I knew this while speaking to the Daily News columnist Stu Bykofsky, but still had real high hopes that some part of him, perhaps the young lad who first went into journalism, had interest in learning new things.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

So, some background if you’ve just entered. The Daily News wrote a stupid article in late March of 2012 where, instead of just reporting that a prostitution sting had occurred at a local strip club, they waxed philosophical about how strippers are all drug addicts and they bring crime and violence.

To back up this perspective, the reporter asked an academic who has built her career on being sex-negative, anti-porn, and anti-stripping to chime in. In what was a surprise to zero people, the academic, Dr. Mary Ann Layden, doled out her particular brand of unscientific moralizing. She was quoted repeatedly, never countered and presented without any context that might allow a reader to understand she is not an average sexologist. Here is my rundown on why she’s dangerously wrong.

And when the article ran, a number of local strippers, burlesque performers and allies were infuriated at the condescending, insulting treatment and the fact not one dancer was asked for her take on the situation. And so, coordinating with other activism planned for  May 1st (May Day was originally about worker’s rights) a protest was planned outside the Daily News offices.  Some local news sources were encouraging of the cause, the Daily News blog, predictably, was mocking.

WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY

Yesterday, in must be in accordance with the spirit International Workers Day, a small crowd gathered and protested. Signs were held, people chatted with reporters.

• Annie A-Bomb, of Cabaret Red Light, read a list of standards and ethics of journalism that included rules about making sure slandered parties have a right to defend themselves, multiple sources of information should be consulted and presented in context, admonishments against editorializing, and a general urging to avoid focusing on the lurid.
• Melissa Bang-Bang Forgione, who has been a stripper since the late 1990s, read a pointed letter about the gross inaccuracies of the reporting and the damaging nature of further marginalizing an already silenced group.
• I read a letter about how Dr. Layden’s stance is not representative of social science and detailed the logical fallacies of linking stripping and violence.

I spoke at some length with multiple reporters, gave them a copy of my letter and my contact information and followed up with a few via email later. The majority of the conversation was my attempt, as an academic, to refute Dr. Layden’s assertions and to identify specifically how the newspaper had erred and in what ways it could be corrected.

WHY STU BYKOFSKY IS NOT INVITED TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY

You wouldn’t know that from reading today’s condescend-a-thon of an article by Stu Bykofsky. You’d think I stood on a street corner wearing pasties and jumped up and down shouting “I’m a feminist! *Giggle!*”

Again, none of this is surprising, given that it is the Daily News. But I would like to respond with a few more factual corrections and clarifications.

• Bykofsky completely missed the correlation between International Workers Day and the protest, making the timing sound ludicrous.
• He falsely states that cops were the source of the anti-stripper statements in the original article. In reality, “Philadelphia Police spokesman Lt. Ray Evers declined to speak about strip-club issues and canceled an interview that the Daily News had scheduled with Lt. Charlie Green, who heads the citywide vice unit, citing an “ongoing investigation.” His assertion attempts to deflect responsibility from the paper for its editorializing.
• Making the case that they are “not a science journal,” Mr. Bykofsky abdicates all responsibility for finding multiple sources or providing context for their expertise.

And then, the comments section. Oh, sweet god, the comments section. But while it’s probably their fault that they cultivate such a group of winners in one place, it’s not the Daily News‘ responsibility for what their readers think. It is, however, Stu Bykofsky’s fault that they didn’t have enough information to make an informed decision on the situation.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod