oral sex

BJ 101: welcome to the first day of class, kids

This old school column was originally posted on a IFriends’ Love & Relationships Page:

Original Question from Anonymous: “I want to know how to please my boyfriend through oral sex. I have never given oral sex before so I have no idea what to do….”

First, congrats to you on deciding to try out something new. Oral sex is a great way to explore pleasing each other sexually, one that is relatively safe and can be incredibly intimate. And if you do it right, there is a good chance your breakfast will be already made for you in the morning.

There are a few key pointers for a first timer:
Always remember this is supposed to be fun for both of you. Don’t stress, keep a sense of humor, don’t do anything that feels physically uncomfortable (like feeling pressure to deep-throat if you’re not ready for it) and remember you’re in charge of the action here, honey, so don’t even begin to put up with any nonsense that makes it seem like a chore.

Understand the anatomy of your man. The most sensitive parts of his penis are the glans (head) and frenulum (the spot on the underside of the head where it meets the shaft). And he will most likely also love having the shaft stroked by your hand as you would during a hand job, while you simultaneously please him with your mouth. Maybe play with his balls gently, and consider sucking on them lightly.  As someone once tried to tell me, “balls are like big girls, they need loving too.”

His penis is not quite as sensitive as a clit, so if you’re a female, bear this in mind. He will probably expect and desire a lot more pressure than the average woman. The GI Joe Kung Fu Grip is not always ideal either, so find the amount he wants by being attentive to his reactions and keeping open communication.

Lubrication feels awesome, so salivate away. There’s a point where it would get ridiculous, if you’re frothing at the mouth and drooling like a purebred Mastiff, but don’t worry about being slobbery. It feels great to him.

Start slowly. Just as you probably enjoy being teased, your man will have a much bigger orgasm if the build up is done right. The first move should be light, teasing and gentle, like some light licks to the head of his penis. Hold the shaft gently in your hand and start treating it like a soft-serve ice cream cone.

As the tension builds up, throw in some more lips and mouth. Slide his member into your mouth a few times slowly, keeping your teeth from becoming active participants. Build up the intensity and speed of the suction, try going deeper and deeper as the time goes on. If you want to try it and feel comfortable: keep your throat open and relaxed to take in as much as possible.

Remember the tongue is really the central actor in this play, while you suck on the head or shaft, your tongue can create some crazy wild effects.

Experiment. Focus in on the areas where he responds the most. If licking the underside of the tip is raring him up, make a note of that. If gentle suction over the entire head is doing the trick, keep that in mind. Try different patterns of speed and motion. A surefire winner when things appear to be lagging is to take his penis into your mouth in one direction and turn the angle of your neck on the way back up. Specifically, take a downward stroke with your nose lined up with his happy trail and the top of your head pointed up towards his face, while at the bottom make a turn so that your nose is now perpendicular to his body and the top of your head is now facing to the left or right of him. Do this move smoothly and slowly and repeatedly. You’ll get the hang of it in no time.

Try variations on tongue motion: make it a flat surface and lap like a dog, make it tighter and lick like a kitten, swirl it around the entire circumference. You’ll know right away when you’ve stumbled upon something that works. The same thing goes for lips. Some guys love having their shafts stroked by lip-covered teeth: it’s strong pressure but nice and soft skin. Others want the lips to be puffed out naturally, as a soft exterior to the muscle-y mouth and strong tongue. There are all sorts of lip and tongue possibilities. You’ll probably find something comfortable and easy to try.

Theatrics. Since this is your first time, you may want to just focus on the task at hand… or mouth, as the case may be. But once you feel comfortable with the old in and out, up and down stuff try creating a whole atmosphere of sexiness.

So much of a quality sexual performance is in the presentation. Remember the angle of your body that he can see. Men are very visually oriented and often love to watch you go down on them. Give him a good show in addition to a good blow job. Look into his eyes periodically with a playful grin, without being that creepy staring girl. Touch your body, play with your breasts (if you’re female) and even masturbate. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be having a grand old time here too.

Make happy, teasing noises that indicate you’re enjoying this too. Touch parts of him besides his genitals. Run a palm down his chest, across his thighs, plant a hand on his ass cheek or run a finger lightly along his lips. And frankly, don’t feel like just because his dick is in your mouth that you can’t slip it out for a second to do some dirty talk.

Specifics issues. There are things that apply to giving head that don’t come up other times. For instance, if you have long hair, it’s a good idea to tie it back for the blow job portion of the evening. That way he can see the action and you don’t have to keep stopping and pulling hairs out of your mouth.

Your mouth and jaw might get tired. If you’re not a seasoned pro and he can go for a long time without cumming, you might experience some discomfort after awhile. The best prevention for this is having a variety of moves that keep your mouth from being in the same position for too long. Try giving him a real intense, deep, hard build up and then abruptly pulling back to light licks on the frenulum for a few minutes. Not only will that make his orgasm more intense when it arrives but you can keep going for longer without soreness.

Then there’s the matter of the ejaculate. Don’t feel pressured to swallow it if you don’t want to. For one thing, it increases the likelihood of HIV transmission if you have any cuts in your mouth from flossing or eating chips. In a total back-the-truck-up moment I want to remind everyone to be safe and never have unprotected sex with a partner whose sexually transmitted infection status you do not know. If this is a new partner or someone with an STI, use a flavored condom or at least a non-lubricated one. This is important stuff, kiddos.

The real reason most men like to have their cum swallowed is because it guarantees continued contact and pressure at the point of orgasm. Most people want the stroking, licking or whatever to be maintained through the whole climax and having it in your mouth and swallowing does that. However, you can feel free to just get him off with your hand at the very end, or take it in your mouth and then spit it out immediately after. Some people like the taste of ejaculate, some don’t mind it and some find it downright disgusting. Whatever you want to do is up to you.

Final Thoughts: This explanation of oral sex is not exhaustive, nor is it as basic as some might prefer for their first time. For your initiation into the world of oral sex, just remember that the most important thing, above all, is that this is supposed to be fun. Have a sense of humor, be prepared to try and have something not work as well as hoped, be patient with yourself and enjoy the fact that he’s enjoying what you’re doing for him. Be playful, be fun and be confident that he’s your boyfriend and he cares about you even if your first attempt at going down is not Linda Lovelace quality. Good luck!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s