This classic column originally appeared at the barbershopnotebooks, where Sex with Timaree runs every Monday. Check back here Monday, Wednesday and Friday for fresh content!
Note from Timaree: This week’s questions are provided by some readers of the Savage Love column. Dan Savage, the long-running column’s writer, posted some queries he’d received that he was unable to answer and called for readers to let him know if they had any solutions. Being a sex advice giving type person and a dedicated fan, I thought it seemed like a great opportunity. Behold two of the nuggets I sent to Dan!
I’m a guy into she-male porn, and I’ve noticed that almost all the models in said porn have very tight scrotums. Like they’re cold. So I’m wondering, what’s the deal? Is it just the hormones? Or do they employ some kind of preshoot scrotal-tightening technique? A bit of both, perhaps?
Never Understood Tranny Scrotums
What an insightful porn consumer you are! While most viewers are muttering what unspeakable acts they’d like to be dong to the star’s various body parts and how much those dirty little girls will like it, you are noticing patterns and making inferences.
While I can’t speak to the pre-shoot practices of the venerable institution that is the she-male porn industry, I can verify your suspicions about the effects of hormones on scrotal size. It’s androgens that cause the development of male genitalia in utero and during puberty. Without these hormones (or with only a dabbling amount), the effects are diminished, in both physical appearance and related “manly” behaviors like aggressiveness and referring to the infield fly rule in daily conversation.
The performers in your preferred porn are generally considered transgender (but I can’t speak for each of them) and one posited theory of the cause of this is a fetal “wash of hormones” that affects neo-natal brain development. If this is the case, their smaller scrotums might be a matter of both innate and acquired (through the medical feminization process of transitioning) hormonal levels.
I am a gay man who has been in a relationship with my partner for nine years. My lover has always planned on undergoing a sex change, from male to female. There were money and health problems, but he’s ready now. I’ve always told him that I love him, no matter what. Now he’s gotten his breast implants and I have to admit I am completely weirded out by them. I feel like a hypocrite, but I don’t know what to do! I’ve never been with a woman, and I don’t want to be with one now. I also love my partner intensely. Any advice? I feel like a jerk! Support him for nine years and then peace out because of boobs?
Hating Myself And His Breasts
Well, HMAHB, you’ve got yourself a pickle…. And a couple of melons.
Remember those times when you turned to your lover and thought, “even if he got hit by a bus and was paralyzed from the neck down, I would still love him and be with him. Even if he then also had a degenerative disease and slowly lost his wits and kept constantly asking me, ‘where is my spaghetti helmet?’ I’d still love him and be with him” to yourself? No?
Well, he’s not paralyzed and addled, he’s just got boobs. Actually, SHE’s got boobs. I’m gonna guess she wants to be referred as a she and you are fairly resistant to that little nugget.
You’re clearly resistant to this whole thing, obviously, and unless you foresee yourself getting over it and becoming for all intents and purposes a gay man in a hetero relationship, then do both of you a favor and let your lady find someone else who wants nothing more than to suck on her new titties. Hell, maybe Dan can hook her up with the guy into she-male porn.
Ending such a long, serious relationship is no small matter and it will cause boatloads of heartache on both your parts. But you can’t stay together, willing yourself to become something you’re not (a straight guy) to avoid being a hypocrite. Even if you told your partner you’d be ok with change, you’re not right now.
Here are your delightful choices:
1. You can hold on, potentially wasting each other’s precious time while you try to become accustomed to this situation (which is always still possible) or at least can do a respectable job of ignoring what you want to ignore and focusing on that which you still love and are attracted to about your partner.
2. Man up and let her down easy. Admit you can’t reconcile your love for her with your gay identity so both of you can go find better men.
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