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Question to the Sexpert:
“I’ll keep it short and simple: why is my girlfriend so clingy?”
Because you rubbed up against her in a dry room with low humidity?
Because she went in for a kiss, missed and now her braces are snagged on your sweater?
Ya know: ask a stupid question…..
That depends on several factors and requires a little more introspection than you might want to put into it. There are three general types of clingers: the chronically needy, the reactive clinger and the situational clinger.
WE’VE GOT A STAGE FIVE CLINGER!
Some people- and this can happen with men just as easily as with women, although women are less likely to complain about a super-needy significant other- are just plain co-dependent. They seek out a partner to fulfill all their emotional needs, get their hopes up when it looks like someone might be able to do so and freak out when any attempts at independence are made.
These Stage 5 Clingers may not display their neediness on day one, but the sucker-covered tentacles do make an appearance fairly early. You’ll notice a pattern of requiring constant contact, asking for continual updates on your whereabouts and calling multiple times in a row without your reciprocation. Assuming you’re not blinded by their shockingly luscious breastseses or fat wallets, you’ll take note of these red flags and jettison them early.
These folks, the chronically clingy, would do best to either seek therapy or similarly codependent partner with whom they can create a swirly vacuum of need from which all freedo and light are unable to escape.
VELCRO DOESN’T STICK TO EVERYTHING
Situational clingers are generally normal people who happen to be hitting a bad patch and upping the amount of attention they need. Perhaps a family member just died, they’ve lost their job or had some other ego-bruising. The passage of time and return of self-esteem can bring them back to normal without much incident. If your girlfriend happens to be in the midst of a bad patch, she might need your attention more than usual. If you actually like her, put in the effort it takes and you’ll be well rewarded.
However, be aware that chronic clingers will also use the excuse of “going through a really hard time” to convince you they’re not normally needy. Be able to suss out the difference.
REMEMBER NEWTON’S THIRD LAW?
It’s boiled down to “every action has an equal and opposite reaction.”
Reactive clingers, for the most part, are perfectly fine people who are dating assholes. And you always have to keep open the possibility you are that asshole. If you’ve continued to play “the game” long past the initial attraction and flirting stage, giving your girl the runaround, been giving her reasons to suspect your infidelity, or alternated between intimacy and aloofness, then her clingy reaction is a somewhat understandable fear response. This reaction is often temporary, not a factor of their personality, and will subside if you make an effort to behave more consistently.
Not knowing you or your girl specifically, it’s impossible to tell what’s up. Maybe you found a hottie and were able to blissfully ignore the warning signs. Maybe she’s having a rough month and you’re not taking it into consideration. Maybe you need to stop playing the whole push-pull game so she can feel secure in the relationship. As always, talking to the girlfriend and taking a long look inward are the best bets.
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