BDSM / Bisexuality / Body Image / Desire / Fantasy / Long Term Relationships / Pornography / Transgender

Sex Positive Porn

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Question to the Sexpert:

“My husband has always been a fan of porn. He has movies and magazines that he likes and has owned since he was a kid. I, on the other hand, have never been opposed to porn but have also never really seen much either. We would like to try to explore some videos together but I feel pretty confident that I wouldn’t be into the stuff he already has. I can imagine getting turned on by watching other people have sex, but I doubt most of the stuff out there really caters to my tastes. Where do we look for things that will turn us both on and not leave one of us bored and or offended?”

You’ve got a number of options. You can go find erotica you want and then just assume/hope your porn-loving hubby will find it enjoyable, even if it’s not his favorite.  You can give his stuff a try, but it at the risk it might cause a rift, since he might take your aversion personally and you might look at him askance afterwards. Or you can seek out new stuff together, like a modern Lewis and Clark, where giant dongs and gallons of lube replace wild bears and canoes. Call me Sacajawea.

Before we get started, let’s include a quick Feminist defense of pornography. Some people may never find erotica to be positive, good, productive, healthy or egalitarian. It is understandable why one might maintain a life devoid of pornography and adamantly claim that no good can come of filling your head with images of strangers banging. Lord knows there are images in my memory that I’d take an acetylene torch to, if possible.

That said, in the hands of someone who sees sexuality as an opportunity to express intimacy, feel pleasure and celebrate beauty, raunchiness can be educational, empowering and downright hot. Bad porn happens when those involved don’t love what they do and the only motivation is money. Good porn makes people happy. Find yourselves some good porn.

Now, I haven’t scoured all these sites and can’t truly attest to their absolute awesomeness, but they promise to be much more sex-positive than the kind of stuff you’d find on a Google Image Search for “porno.”  But then what is sex positive porn? Porn with hipsters in it.

Some sex-positive places to check:

http://www.zenporn.com/ , which calls itself “the gateway to straight, bi, lesbian, gay and pansexual erotica sites with soul.”

http://www.cleansheets.com/ “a weekly magazine devoted to encouraging and publishing quality erotic fiction, poetry, and art”

http://www.vegporn.com/ a site maintained by and for vegetarians and vegans.

http://www.seskaforlovers.com/ An “independently owned and run prosexual site that contains erotica with images and descriptions of explicit nudity and sexuality.”

http://www.scarletletters.com/ “sex-positive, original, visionary creative and artistic work of all kinds”

http://nofauxxx.com/ “oldest running ‘queer’ porn site on the internet” with a mission statement about breaking stereotypes and maintaining inclusive, female-friendly content

Even more!!! The following links came from a handout given at a presentation by sexpert Jamye Waxman:

Websites to Check out: Hot Movies for Her, Hot Movies, For the Girls, Kink, Comstock Films, Andrew Blake, Michael Ninn, Babeland Premieres

Hetero: Anna Span (England), Petra Joy (Germany), Erika Lust (Spain), Tristan Taormino (USA), Candida Royalle (USA)

Lesbian: Shine Louise Houston, Dana Dane, BDSM: Maria Beatty, Trans: Morty Diamond, Buck Angel

That should give you a few options. Otherwise, just think about what kind of content you’d like, what would be arousing to you two personally and go exploring. Find some stuff and feel free to skip ahead, turn down the volume, make hilarious commentary and turn it off if you don’t like it. Keep the lines of communication open between you two on what’s working and have a good time!

Questions? Comments? Violent Reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com

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