Infidelity / Long Term Relationships / Marriage / Pornography / safer sex / Sexually Transmitted Infections

So I Married a Pornstar…Almost

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cake toppers

Question to the Sexpert:

“As to the lady who found out she was engaged to a porn star: who is at fault here? {Note from Timaree: this was in a Friday Sex Link a couple weeks ago} I say that the guy is totally wrong for lying and cheating but my girlfriend says the woman had the responsibility to know the whole truth about the person she agreed to marry and if they had already gotten married then she shouldn’t have been able to divorce him. That’s craziness to me. What do you say?”

You’re both right. Ding Ding Ding! That was easy. Now I can go back to watching that Keyboard Cat versus Usher video on YouTube.

To remind ya’ll who don’t immediately recall the article referenced: a woman was about to get married when her maid of honor, while looking for some bachelorette party entertainment of the wiener-shaking variety, stumbled upon an advert for the groom himself, who, it turns out, was not only a stripper but also a full-blown porn star. The bride-to-be did not have the standard pornography story line response of wanting to get in on that action. Rather, she opted for the opening of a Cameron Diaz rom com movie response of being emotionally shattered and breaking off the engagement, hopefully to find true love with some wacky slacker heartthrob after a series of hijinks.

Now there are a few ways one can react to this story.

Sincere, slightly insecure reaction: “Holy buckets. If it turned out my boo was actually banging strange tail for a living, I’d be so devastated I’d probably stop eating or bathing and just lay on the floor in my apartment listening to the Smiths until I died.”

Blu Cantrell-style reaction: “I’d cut his cheating, lying member off and mail it back to him C.O.D.”

The kind of naked logic that only comes from people who are not in love: “Well, before she agreed to marry him she ought to have bothered to look into him a little bit. What kind of an idiot dates somebody long enough to get hitched but doesn’t bother to find out what they do for a living?”

Aforementioned Porn reaction: “you’re sleeping with other women???……without me?” cue bow chica bow wow music as she rips her shirt off.

Well, to be fair to the real people involved: he was doing a pretty bang up job of covering his side gig and they spent a fair amount of time doing their relationship long-distance. In reality, he took advantage of the trust she was required to have to maintain their connection from far away and should be shaken firmly by the testicles for potentially endangering her by having sex with other people without her knowledge.

It’s hard to know if he was deliberately dishonest or just took great liberties with revealing relevant details. In any event, Duder is being intentionally misleading and for that he gets the big Piece O’ Shit Sticker stamped right on his forehead. But his actions and the subsequent coverage of the story does bring up some important topics to discuss with partners.

1. Yep, you are responsible to tell the whole truth. There’s no two ways about it.

2. You are also responsible for keeping your Liedar, Crazydar and Skankdar on for a solid 6 months and not getting played. No need to be a snoop, but ask questions and make sure things add up. Don’t be blinded by affection.

3. When you agree to marry someone, mean it. Mean all of it, including the parts about staying together no matter what. If Girlie had already wed Mr. Sidejob, she has a case for annulment, but technically, she agreed to stick with him through whatever may come.

4. Under no circumstances is it ok to lie about your sexual history/life if it’s endangering someone by not giving them enough information to make informed decisions. You’re grown enough to have sex, you’re grown enough to talk about it.

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