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Question to Sexpert Timaree:
Short answer: On the internet, everyone is free to let their douche flag fly.
You can whine about inane conflicts you’re too chicken shit to handle in real life, you can steal someone’s credit card information… and, using the sites you mentioned: you can also publicly ruin someone’s reputation or marriage. YAY for the internets! Hey, but at least it has this.
I’m a lover of the web. But it is, like all other media, a method for douchenuggets to be promoted to douchetenants, first class. Awesome people can be more awesome, and dirtbags get bigger megaphones while shadesters slink about more discreetly.
“JUST DON’T WIFE HER.COM”- AKA “I GOT MY FEELINGS HURT”
This gem of a site advertises its purpose as “Helping good guys by exposing Gold Diggers, Cheaters and Users One at a Time!” by posting the angry, racist, vengeful, tacky and horrendously spelled rants of men who feel they’ve been two-timed by women who just wanted their money or were sleeping with someone else. Oh, and celebrity gossip. It’s got a bizarre amount of news about the Kardashians and Kanye, as though it’s somehow related.
Rather than just telling everyone in the locker room that your ex is a dirty, nasty ho, you can tell the entire internet alongside an inevitably unflattering picture of the woman in question. The direct response is Don’t Date Him Girl, a collection of similar bitch fits about asshole guys, advice columns and shopping. If you’ve got an IPhone, the Date Check app serves the same function. Like a Google for bitter people.
On one hand, it’s theoretically handy. I mean, we check out hotel reviews before booking for a single night. Why not look into our potential sex partners? But these sites are far from moderate, dispassionate assessments of past romances. They’re bathroom stall scrawls with jpgs attached.
“SUGAR DADDY FOR ME.COM” AKA “TURNS OUT I DON’T HAVE JOB SKILLS”
It could also be called “Having Relentlessly Sought Money My Whole Life Means I’m Super Awkward Socially.” This corner of the web, including its subsidiaries, and many, many, many, many competitors deals with arranging for hot young people and wealthy (presumably older and less attractive) people to have romantic entanglements that are mutually beneficial.
The idea is as old as the institution of marriage itself, so these sites are just streamlining sexual economics and gender roles as humans have known them for time immemorial. As I’ve mentioned before, these sites are catering to a personal preference to put physical appearance and/or money in front of other means of determining compatibility, something that you’re welcome to do, if you so desire. In fact, I applaud these folks for knowing what they want and stating it outright. We should all be so upfront about our wants and needs.
There are two different directions into which such sites can diverge: 1. the Shiny, Less Shady Excuse for Sex Work route where young girls lay out how much they want and old dudes pick mistresses like sweaters in a catalog and 2.the Cheating 2.0 route. In this second vein, married people can hook up with singles or other married folks seeking a thrilling, life-affirming, but potentially very expensive adventure.
I’m all about letting people make whatever sexual decisions they bloody well please and respecting everyone’s right to self determination. But not at the cost of anyone else. That’s why I’m fine with the sugar baby/sugar daddy sites but not with the cheating ones. There is collateral damage: innocent duped spouses who are lied to and potentially exposed to sexually transmitted infections. Not cool. I don’t care how sex positive and audacious sites like Ashley Madison and their ilk may be. By god, if you want to be a slut, be a slut. Be the most outrageous, whore-tastic, horny toad of a slut you can be. But be ethical about it. Don’t lie to people, don’t break your promises and don’t encourage others to do those things either.
You’ve broached the subject of exaggerated gender roles and sketchiness as enabled by the convenience of the web. Even with the speed and impressiveness of today’s methods, being an asshole is still being an asshole. Do what you want, but your rights do not include ruining things for other people. Besides, divorce can be muy awkward.