Note From Timaree: enjoy this classic SWT column from a reader question a few years back. If you have questions, you can always send them to email@example.com.
Question to the Sexpert:
“I’m not sure if this is a question that can be answered or not, maybe there is some book of proper sexual etiquette. My friends and I were discussing the politics of where to ejaculate. Like, is it ever acceptable for a guy to come on someone’s face? They do it in porn all the time. I think that ejaculating anywhere except inside the body is really disrespectful but my friend said he had an ex who thought it was hot. Is there a standard rule on this?”
While I don’t think that any amount of Googling is going to find you Ms. Mincemeat’s Etiquette Book for Facials, there are basic tenets to being a polite sex partner.
1. Get consent for everything.
2. Communicate your thoughts, feelings and desires honestly and specifically.
3. Be respectful of boundaries, practice safety and follow behavioral agreements.
This list is certainly not exhaustive and there are clear exceptions that will come to mind and can be figured out by any reasonable person, like perhaps you don’t actually have to ask for permission to give your spouse of 5 years a peck on the cheek but you ought to be understanding if the same aforementioned spouse doesn’t want to be surprised by a 3 foot long flogger/anal intruder while washing the dinner dishes.
So, from this knowledge, we can ascertain that, like all other sexual activities, blowing a load on someone’s face, chest or back is something that ought to follow some degree of conversation that involves obtaining consent for such an event.
When it comes to ejaculations specifically there are a few factors that need to be taken into account when a man is determining, “hmm.. should I shoot my wad here?”
STIs and Pregnancy
While coitus interruptus (pulling out) is technically a method of preventing pregnancy (although not the most reliable), it does zero good in preventing the spread of sexually transmitted infections. In fact, if we’re talking about the herp, you could potentially blind a partner by coming on their face and getting the virus in their eyes. And open sores or cuts on any part of the body can mean disease transmission if there’s contact with bodily fluid. For this reason, unless both partners are 100% certain of their infection status, always use a barrier like a condom or dental dam.
Remember the Blue Dress?
There are also practical considerations at play, like making a damn mess. Don’t ruin someone’s hair, makeup or outfit if they still have to go about their day after this tryst. That’s basic courtesy, folks.
Let’s be frank. We’re all sex positive folks here, right? But getting your face splooged might not be your scene. Maybe you’re into the degradation of it or really crave your partner’s body fluids. But many sex-friendly peoples, if asked, will find it a tad offensive and for good reason.
The act of ejaculating on someone without their consent is considered sexual assault in many places. Unfortunately, these laws were often passed after some unfortunate person was disrespected by some asshole who didn’t otherwise assault them and could only be charged with a misdemeanor. The point remains, it’s not a small deal to ask of someone.
So your friend claims to have an ex who loved hot man juice all over her face. OK, maybe he does. Some women and men are into that. But I’ve also found men say “exes” liked things in conversation simply because they want to hear you talk about it… and more specifically, the odds you’ll be into it.
Thanks, Porn. Thanks a whole lot.
This, ladies and gentlemen, is the effect of porn. Like big fake boobs, the exponential increase in anal sex among young people and shaved labia, you can thank pornography for the notion that after a good fucking, there’s nothing better than a facial.
Perhaps it’s the degradation factor; perhaps it’s merely porn consumer’s preoccupation with having visible evidence of the male star’s orgasm. Maybe it’s a celebration of the physical evidence of pleasure. In any event, the practice is common enough that people get used to seeing it and start to wonder why they aren’t following suit.
The Moral of the Story
Plenty of people have found that after bringing a male partner to orgasm the best solution for them in terms of ejaculate distribution/disposal is to swallow. Others find coming into a towel is the best practice. Many consider it inappropriate to remove the penis from wherever it was that got it to that point and others have decided they are big fans of the chest/back/face splooge. Good for all of them. The important thing is that everyone was informed, consenting and enjoying it.