dating / Desire / Feminism / Fetish / Sex in the news

What Can We Learn From Swiss Cheese Guy?

A few years ago, I was one of the many young women who received a message from the now infamous Swiss Cheese Guy. Basically, every young female I knew who was on OKCupid in the Philadelphia region heard from cheese

He had a template for contacting women: sending dick pics (with cheese, of course) and asking, somewhat slavishly, if we were interested in indulging him. His profile was entirely devoted to his fetish, describing his predilection and featuring pictures of his voluminous midsection and dairy merkin.

We giggled about it, made plenty of awful puns. What else were we supposed to do? It was certainly better than taking it as a personal offense, sitting there feeling impotently violated by the virtual intrusion of his wiener. The guy clearly had a desire to be degraded and humiliated- it had mentioned something of that in his profile- but was also engaging compulsively in behavior that, if it got a response, was likely to be derisive. Maybe some young ladies felt aroused by his overtures and replied accordingly, but I never heard about them.

Much time has passed, I’m no longer on the site and apparently, he’s moved on as well. Or, more specifically, he’s escalated to in-person flashing. Not only does this increase the intrusiveness of his come -ons, but it brings him real danger as well.

A few folks have remarked that they feel kind of bad for him. I would not be a part of that group.

Swiss Cheese Guy, from my perspective, is no better than a Red Pill Pick Up Artist type from the douchebag part of the internet.

All he knows and cares about is his own wants.  Sure, he probably faces a lot of bullying and mean-ness for disclosing his kink (which is unfortunate), but that doesn’t make it OK for him to disrespect random women he finds attractive.

Rather than going on a fetish site where he’s more likely to find a kindred spirit or trying to forge an authentic dating relationship (with a person of comparable social and physical attractiveness) and then asking them to indulge his kink, he subjects the world to his id. Whether you like it or not, you’re going to be a part of his sexual release. be a man

What is wrong with the Red Pill Douchebags is that they don’t think women are people. In their minds, women exist the same as food and movies exist- their value is based on how much subjective fulfillment they bring. And to Swiss Cheese Guy, women are all just possible sexual partners and their value is based not on how smart they are, what they do with their lives or how sparkling their dinner conversation is, but whether or not they will give him a swiss cheese handjob.

There’s literally no contemplation about how to make oneself a more interesting, attractive, appealing potential partner. There’s no thought of “what would this other person actually like? what can i do to make them feel good and like me?” It’s adolescent, almost sociopathic selfishness. And society (mostly advertising) indulges young men in this all the time, giving them ridiculous expectations about dating and sex. 

What is the takeaway lesson for the rest of us?

  • Rather than making checklists for possible partners, it’s far more productive to work on yourself and becoming the kind of person that your ideal partner would want.
  • If you think something might make someone uncomfortable, give them the opportunity to choose whether to be a part of it or not.
  • The scatter-shot approach of hitting on every single possible target might get you laid, but it won’t likely lead to satisfying relationships built on mutual interest where you are actually valued for you.
  • Being turned down by a date/partner is nowhere near as bad as having the entire country know you’re a creep. So grow a pair and reveal your kinks to people you already know, not by sending pictures to total strangers.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email or tweet @timaree_leigh See more at and

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