Hey kittens. It’s Thursday, which means we’re checking out a throwback from years past. This one was originally published in July of 2010, when I was evidently still into Joseph Gordon-Levitt.
Question to the Sexpert:
“Last Sunday morning I was in bed with my girlfriend and asked, ‘Do you like the size of my junk?’ She said, ‘You’re not the biggest guy I’ve been with.’ Asked if I was the smallest. She said, “no.” The phone rang and didn’t talk about it again. What did her response mean to you?”
Let me give you both the long and short of it. OH! Ok, ok, no more puns.
Based on this completely context-less, one-sided snippet, your girlfriend’s response is somewhere between evasive and bitchy. But to be fair, the question is loaded. And you have to take responsibility for putting your partner in the awkward position of assessing something about you that you have no way of changing.
Obviously she could have answered in a way that was more helpful, more reassuring, or placed emphasis on how satisfactory your usage of said tool is. At minimum, she could have kept the other dudes she’s banged out of it. But let’s be honest: questions about genital acceptability are often gauche fishing expeditions for compliment-shaped cod.
What if, Joseph Gordon-Levitt forbid, your girl had always harbored a secret hatred for the shape and size of your business but loved you unconditionally and unblinkingly in every other way? Why would you want that nugget of info? Would it be helpful to your relationship? Would you feel better? Would she?
WHAT SHE ACTUALLY SAID
So, let’s look at your particular conversation, which evidently was somewhat discomfiting to you.
First of all, she never actually answers your question. You didn’t ask if you were the biggest, you asked about whether or not she liked it. Her response means that either she equates size with quality or she answered the question assuming you think that way.
She didn’t elaborate on her experiences with these larger and smaller johnsons, simply acknowledges that they have occurred, leaving you to ponder these potentially depressing scenarios all alone, without any reason to think you’re anything more than one dick in a long line of dicks that she periodically inserts into herself. Maybe she was trying to shield your ego by being as vague as possible, maybe she was being intentionally vague to inspire intimidation in you as a power play. I don’t know.
But then she never brought it up again. A variety of things could account for this, some as simple as forgetting, since maybe she thinks penis size is an entirely unimportant factor. Or perhaps she dreads talking about her exes or maybe she can’t say anything nice and is trying to skip out on a chance of hurting your feelings. You have to talk to her about it to know. So I recommend doing that, especially since this tiny exchange has stayed with you ever since.
SCIENCE OF WEINER SIZE
When dudes ask about dick size, the implication usually is that greater size equates in some sort of prize. Your huge member may get you accolades for manliness or, more likely, ability to please partners. Is this true? Well, Masters and Johnson said it didn’t matter, but their mistake was in failing to ask partners of men what they thought. Here’s what real women say. Read the comments on this article for a fuller understanding.
Click to embiggen.
The take away message of scientific surveys on the matter is that yeah, size does matter, but girth more than length.
Telling a guy that size doesn’t matter is like telling a kid they can be President: yes, I suppose that’s the truth, but let’s be realistic here. Every reasonable person can agree that there are consequences to the differences in physical proportions between partners. What that means as far as partner preference, though, is where we can dispute. Generally, partners of men want a manageably size d penis that fits with their own unique anatomy. What is a “good size” depends on the person to whom you ask the question.
And for fuck’s sake, do I have to actually say the hackneyed cliché about how you USE it? Besides, how well you eat pussy , whether or not you can use your hands and how well you can please the other 99% of her body kind of fucking matter. And all of this is on top of your ability to connect sexually with her brain: can you talk the talk, turn her on and keep her connected with you mentally during sex? That is nothing to sneeze at.
GO FORTH, AND MEASURE NO MORE
The take-home message is: I don’t know what is up with your girlfriend. I’d have to talk to her to find out. So since I can’t; perhaps you should. You can ask if she feels sexually satisfied, how much dick size matters to her, what she meant to do with that brief answer of hers. And you, sir, should love the size of your “junk” because it brings you pleasure. It does everything it can and should and ought to be commended for it.