Anatomy/Physiology / Body Image / contraception / Male Ejaculation / sexuality education

Your Own Sloppy Seconds

Hey kittens, time for some Throwback Thursdays action and a classic column that original ran in July of 2011.

Question to the Sexpert:

“I really enjoy having sex with my girlfriend, and sometimes we’ll want to do it again after I ejaculate (without a condom– she has an IUD).  However, the fact that semen is still inside of her is a HUGE turnoff for me.  It no longer feels pleasurable because I no longer feel ‘her’…the cum has a very strong presence.  I have mentioned it to her, but it seems like a burden to get up and shower after sex two or three times a night. What is standard procedure for cleaning things up here?”

You’ve got a few options:

A. Get over it. Think about something else, like boobs or some other idea that is more pleasing to you.

B. Convince her to get up and shower after sex. And yes, that might be a pain in the ass.

C. Cum someplace other than inside of her/ use a barrier method, at least for the first round.

Here’s the thing about semen that is ejaculated into the vagina: it can start leaking back out immediately but not not finish its descent for hours. So even if she gets up right away and heads to the bathroom, you’re in for a wait until it can be declared ‘all clear.’

Remember when you learned about conception? About how the sperm has a long journey ahead of it that may take several days until it reaches an egg?  And the following things make it take longer: laying there (as opposed to standing and moving around) and having actually enjoyed the experience.  If she orgasms, the semen will likely make it further up – due to a sort of suctioning effect caused by the uterine contractions.

After sex, it’s a good idea for your girlfriend to get up and pee. That’s just generally, separate from your situation, since it helps clear out bacteria. But even using her PC muscles to push outwards will not necessarily clear away the last of your boys.  Unless you use a barrier method (condoms, that sort of thing), there’s no easy way to get your goods back right away. But if you practice coitus interruptus aka “pulling out,” you still have cleanup concerns but they’re a lot easier to take care of. Just have a towel handy.

And maybe she likes taking showers and it’s not a big deal for her to wash off in between bouts. But that should be a decision she makes, not the requirement laid out for her to maximize your enjoyment of her vagina or something that is implied to be more hygienic.  Because if she feels like she HAS to shower to be acceptable to you, you may find these multiple-sex sessions get rarer and rarer until they disappear. Associating feeling gross or unattractive with having you cum in her is not the correlation you want to create: positive reinforcement works far better.

My suggestion: get over it. You’re having sex with your girl, whom you evidently really enjoy having sex with, and you are able to have multiple sessions in a row. Things could be infinitely worse.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email sexwithtimaree@gmail.com or tweet @timaree_leigh See more at http://www.facebook.com/sexwithtimaree and http://tinyurl.com/swtpod

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