“In hindsight, the cashier should have simply refused to sell me the body chocolate I bought. I’m 210 lbs. and covered in hair from neck to butthole.I applied it in the hopes of Jaime having a sweet tooth for some chocolate and a chubby gentleman. I applied it to my torso and waited patiently for her to come upstairs to our bedroom. She fell asleep downstairs and I did the same upstairs. About two hours later, Jaime finally came upstairs. By that point I had sweat profusely thanks to my night terrors. So, instead of seeing a sweet piece of man meat awaiting her, I just looked like some fat fuck who violently shit himself.”
This is from the latest entry on Terrible Dad Blog, the brainchild of comedian Mike Rainey, who has actual physical human children as well. He has lots of terrible advice for other parents in his aptly-titled new book Terrible Advice for Parents, the followup to his first book, Terrible Advice.
We have a surprisingly revealing and sincere chat about his evolution as a person, as Mike talks about his own sexual shame, socialization about women and relationships and eventually finding a purpose in life in his role as a father. It’s a funny, touching and incredibly real conversation.