Hey kittens, it’s Throwback Thursday and time for a vintage column. This piece originally ran in June of 2010.
Question to the Sexpert:
“I have a weird question: I think I have an abnormally large vagina. When I’m on my period I need to use two tampons at once. If there’s only one, it might fall out. it seems to me like it just must be bigger than other women’s. I’m pretty tall but not overweight at all. About six months ago my relationship ended with the only man I’ve ever had sex with. I’ve started dating another man recently. It’s starting to get more serious and possibly sexual. Is there anything I can do to make my vagina tighter for this new lover? I’ve read that some older women have surgery on theirs. My ex never said anything about me being too loose, but I was the only woman he had slept with. Please help!”
Vaginas have been compared to a lot of things. An eye, wound, flowers, The Grail, an animal that continues to bleed for days without dying, Tupperware, gravity, God, Florida (the heat and the humidity), tyrants, oceans and a litany of other colorful allusions.
That’s the nature of being popular: people talk about you a lot…and want to take your picture.
ANYWAY. The vagina. To add to the list of things to which it is compared: balloon. That is, the vagina is not like a big, overpriced Coach bag that retains its space even when empty. It’s like an un-inflated balloon: a potential space. The vagina may expand to accommodate fingers, penises, baby heads, glass art, produce, hairbrushes and other sundry items of choice…with coaxing and lubrication, obviously.
I had a roommate who tested the boundaries of this. Literally no items in our apartment were safe. I certainly wouldn’t have advised anyone to use our kitchen utensils without first flashing around a crime scene black light.
But there are natural physical variations between humans: you may have cute little monkey toes or ear lobes that attach to your head at the bottom or a left hook to your wang and that’s all just the beauty of diversity. So yours might be a vagina that can naturally accommodate more than others. But it’s not a big deal and there are things to do to make it grip more tightly.
I’m NOT talking about buying products that claim to tighten up your girlie bits. You might as well put all your money in a shopping cart and shove it off a cliff. Nor am I talking about vaginal rejuvenation surgery, which may include labiaplasty (removing parts of the lips for a more Barbie-esque pornstar pussy) or vaginoplasty (tightening the tissues and muscles, also the term used for male-to-female genital surgeries), because that’s not necessary in your case, having a perfectly healthy vagina.
I’m talking about exercise: which, more often than not, is the answer to every problem. Exercise makes you happier, improves your overall health, gives you energy and sometimes, if you’re doing it right, a tighter pussy. Pilates does a lot more than just tone your obliques.
Pelvic floor work may just be the answer for you. Read this for a reminder of how to do Kegel exercises. They’re so easy you can do them while waiting in line at the bank, at a red light, or while writing a column about pelvic floor exercises.
There are other options to strengthening the pelvic floor, especially for new moms, including vaginal cones, electrical stimulation and Neocontrol. Find a regular regimen of exercises, including the use of Ben Wa balls or weights for added resistance.
But in the meantime, calm yourself about this. There’s a lot of talk in the air about what a vagina should be like, but the standard is socially constructed, subject to changes in fashion and hardly the most important thing in a sexual encounter. What really matters is how you feel about each other and whether or not you and your partner are having a good time. So chill.