abstinence / BDSM / Desire / evolutionary psychology / Fantasy / Gender / Long Term Relationships / Rape

What Does It Mean to Have Rape Fantasies?

tiedGreetings, kittens. It’s #TBT and time for a vintage podcast. This one is an early, early episode and originally went up in March of 2012.

It’s hard to know exactly how common any fantasy is. It’s already hard to do research on sexual behavior and attitudes, with the amount of taboo placed on talking honestly about sex. People under-report and over-report, depending on what will make them sound better and there is always far more nuance than can be captured in a questionnaire.

When it comes to fantasies, it can be overwhelming to imagine sharing the reality of one’s deepest most desires aloud.  What turns us on might not make sense to others, might even freak them out. It might freak US out.

Such is often the case when it comes to rape fantasies. Women and men who are aroused by the idea of being the victim or perpetrator of sexual assault can feel all sorts of ways about their desires and if they share these ideas with their partner, can receive any number of reactions. One insightful reader wrote in about the inexplicable fact that several of his previous girlfriends had expressed interest in being ravished and wondered what that was about.

So today’s podcast examines this question and ponders a variety of explanations, as well as possible courses of action to indulging this fantasy in a safe and sane way.

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